commentary Voices
I worry that I’m raising my kids to be complainers. Here’s what I’m doing about it
Complaining can be cathartic, but mum-of-five Kelly Ang is determined to teach her children how to avoid getting trapped in a vicious circle of negativity.
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Singaporeans are well-known for complaining. It’s even said to be one of our national pastimes, alongside eating, shopping and queuing.
On Facebook alone, Complaint Singapore has more than 244,000 group members, with dozens of fresh posts daily documenting some new (or old) gripe about living in Singapore.
Singaporeans made more than 1.7 million municipal and estate complaints in 2023 alone, many of them relating to daily living irks such as overflowing trash bins.
The hustings in our recently concluded General Election also made me think about how deeply ingrained complaint culture is in Singapore.
I’m no political expert, so take this with a gigantic sprinkling of salt, but while watching many candidates’ rally speeches, I couldn’t help but notice a fair amount of grumbling.
COMPLAINING DOESN’T JUST START AT HOME, BUT WITH ME
“It’s sooooo hot today, I’m melting!”
“Why is there always so much homework?”
“I have to stop playing my game already? But I barely started!”
“We’re eating what for dinner? Not again!”
WHEN IS COMPLAINING HELPFUL AND WHEN IS IT NOT?
Modern parenting advice often tells us to encourage children to express their thoughts and feelings honestly. In this vein, complaining in itself isn’t a terrible thing.
It may even be healthy because it offers emotional release and helps validate our feelings – but only in small doses, some experts said.
Sometimes, my kids have legitimate cause for complaint. A long, hot and busy day in school is no picnic, after all.
Nevertheless, hearing their endless gripes worries me. Are they growing up to be ungrateful, perpetually unhappy individuals, simply by focusing on all the negatives?
I want my kids to voice it out when they’re seeing or struggling with a problem, but I also want them to be able and willing to stand up and be part of the solution in whatever way they can.
But do I even do that myself?
We’ve been aiming for No 1 but habits don’t form overnight. I’m still giving them incessant reminders.
No 2 will likely have to wait for the upcoming June holidays. They’ve also realised that keeping their sisters out doesn’t do much to reduce the mess (or, as Taylor Swift sang, “It’s me, I’m the problem”).
In the meantime, what seems to be sticking is No 4: Complaining, but packing anyway.
Is it the best solution? Maybe not.
But right now, it gets them to think about what they can do to improve situations they’re unhappy about and focusing on acting instead of just talking.
While listening to some of the recent General Election candidates speak about perceived problems in society, my older children expressed an interest in community work and volunteering to help the underprivileged and less fortunate.
I want my kids to voice it out when they’re seeing or struggling with a problem, but I also want them to be able and willing to stand up and be part of the solution in whatever way they can.
Recently, I sat my boys down to ask them how we could improve this situation. After some thought, here’s what they suggested:
| Point | Putting books back onto shelves immediately after reading, Pokemon cards back into boxes after playing, and homework back into bags once done |
| Point 2 | Decluttering their room – less stuff makes for less mess |
| Point 3 | Banning their little sisters from entering their room and adding to the mess |
| Point 4 | Acknowledging the necessity of the clean-up process and setting aside 30 minutes every evening before bed to get it all done, grumbles and all |
