'You're doing great, but ...': Why it's so hard to shake off negative feedback from your boss during appraisal season
It is not easy to hear criticism about work from your bosses, but how should you react to such feedback constructively and not let it place you on a downward spiral?
Building resilience to criticism from superiors at work begins with taking stock of the feedback received and making proactive efforts to engage with areas for growth. (Illustration: CNA/Samuel Woo)
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There are few things that are as nerve-racking to me as the annual ritual of stepping into an appraisal discussion with my bosses when the year comes to a close.
Five minutes before entering the meeting room, my palms get sweaty, my breathing gets heavier and there is a frantic effort to remember what I had rehearsed before the session.
Those goals that my bosses set for me a year ago? Here is how I achieved them with aplomb. That mistake I made a several months ago? It became a source of motivation for me to do better. And dear bosses, here's my list of achievements that I'm really proud of this year and that I hope you'll consider in your evaluation.
As I play out these scenarios in my head and second-guess how stilted and "corporate" I might sound, I remember that this yearly meeting with my bosses will be what determines a pay raise or a promotion, and it isn't just a pat on the back for good work that I did.
However, because there are so many reasons that can affect how my work performance for that year is appraised, it did not matter how many encouraging words are said to me during the appraisal meeting.
Instead, it always tends to be that one negative feedback that will haunt me for the whole month.
December may be a time for looking ahead, but it is also a period of self-reflection. So, in the spirit of mentally preparing for 2025, how should people interpret and react to feedback from these appraisal meetings constructively and apply what they have learnt in the new year?
And if the feedback is tough to hear, how can people avoid letting negative thoughts get them into a tizzy?
GETTING "BAD" FEEDBACK FROM BOSSES
Posing these questions to mental health experts and career counsellors, I realised that in general, negative feedback from bosses does indeed stick around in our heads longer than compliments and can have untoward effects on our mental health.
It is a natural phenomenon known as “negativity bias”, several mental health experts said.
Mr Clifton Tokoara, a counsellor at Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre, said that negative feedback can feel “emotionally challenging” because the human brain is wired to pay more attention to negative experiences.
“This means that negative feedback can overshadow multiple positive comments, which is what we call in clinical practice as mental filtering – a cognitive distortion or ‘thinking errors’.”
