Gen Zers have stronger anti-ghosting stance compared to millennials when it comes to dating: Survey
SINGAPORE — A recent survey by dating application Bumble has found a generational divide between millennials and Gen Zers when it comes to “ghosting” during dating, with the latter being more against it than the former.
Ghosting refers to the act of suddenly ceasing all communication without any explanation, commonly used in the context of online dating.
The online survey, conducted from Aug 5 to 16, polled 1,001 Gen Zers and millennials in Singapore on their experience with ghosting.
In response to TODAY’s queries, Bumble said that the Gen Zers surveyed were between the ages of 18 and 24, while the millennials were aged 25 to 34.
It found that 57 per cent of the respondents have ghosted someone and 61 per cent have been ghosted before.
A majority of respondents (73 per cent) indicated that they were ghosted after a few text messages were exchanged.
The top three reasons for ghosting someone were:
- Not feeling a connection (56 per cent)
- Being busy (43 per cent)
- Wanting to avoid the awkward conversation of closing off the relationship (37 per cent)
GENERATIONAL DIVIDE
The survey found that Gen Zers “have a stronger anti-ghosting stance”, with 69 per cent believing that ghosting is an inappropriate action, compared to 61 per cent of millennials.
Millennials (60 per cent) are also more likely than Gen Zers (51 per cent) to ghost someone due to a lack of connection.
Almost twice the number of millennials (38 per cent) believe that ghosting is a normal phenomenon compared to just 20 per cent of Gen Zers.
Dating coaches, millennials and Gen Zers who spoke to TODAY attributed this generational split to a variety of reasons such as a difference in views towards dating and different parenting styles.
Ms Tricia Fan, the head of Fleek, a personal development company that helps individuals with their social skills and image, said that she has noticed a difference between how her millennial and Gen Z clients approach dating.
“The millennial clients tend to be quite critical in terms of finding their partner. So, if on a first date, you are not husband or wife material, they won’t want to see you anymore,” she said.
On the other hand, Ms Fan said that Gen Zers view dating as a way to have fun and “try things out first” since they are still young. So they may try to keep the conversation going.
Agreeing, a 32-year-old manager in the tourism and heritage industry who wanted to be known only as Ms Darshini added: "It could be because millennials are older and possibly more jaded already. They perhaps feel that there is no point continuing if it's not going anywhere."
Ms Carita Wong, a life and wellness coach at Table for Two, said that the divide could also be due to different communication styles between parents and children.
“Gen Zers may have younger, more aware and more expressive parents who encourage their children to speak their minds and talk about their feelings,” she said.
She added that the past three years of Covid-19 lockdowns could have prompted people to think about connections in a different way.
“So much has since been published about relationships, connections and social media. Perhaps, Gen Zers with their young minds are beginning to embrace a more sensitive and sensible approach towards dating and relationships,” Ms Wong said.
Agreeing, a 23-year-old student who gave his name as just Mr Lim said: “On social media and TikTok, everyone’s talking about their dating experience, what's right and wrong, red flags and all that.
“So, compared to millennials, Gen Zers know a lot more and we will be more empathetic and see the other side more,” he said.
GHOSTING IS INAPPROPRIATE
Despite the divide, Gen Zers and millennials interviewed by TODAY generally agreed that ghosting is inappropriate because it is rude and unfair to the other party.
The survey by Bumble showed that those who have been ghosted before said that they became discouraged (42 per cent), less confident (38 per cent) and wary (34 per cent) when it came to dating.
Mr Chand, 20, said that it always feels "very sad to be ghosted". He declined to give his full name.
A 29-year-old auditor, who wanted to be known as just Ms Cheng, recalled how her first match on a dating app two years ago had ghosted her.
It had left her sad and confused.
“We spoke for about two weeks before he asked me out. After our first meeting, I messaged him to say thanks for his time and he never replied. I thought he got into an accident,” she added.
Although Ms Cheng said that ghosting is “really not nice”, she does not blame the people who do it.
“It’s just the nature of dating apps and it being online. It’s tough to make a genuine human connection, which makes ghosting so much easier.”
Similarly, 25-year-old operations manager Rochelle Toh said that it is simply a matter of perspective.
“It’s definitely not nice being ghosted, but I easily recognise it as rejection… I don’t take it to heart,” she said.
TIPS TO GET OVER BEING GHOSTED
Ms Lucille McCart, director of Asia-Pacific communications at Bumble, said: “If being ghosted makes you feel alone, I would encourage you to open up to your friends about this because it is a very common experience of dating and you will probably discover it has happened to everyone!
“The best thing you can do is focus your time and energy on the people who are reciprocal in their communication, and leave those old connections who ghosted you in the past.”
Ms Wong from Table for Two also urged people not to blame themselves.
“It’s not about you. If they haven’t shown you respect, they are not likely to show you much more in a relationship. Therefore, they are not the one for you,” she said.
And for people who are thinking of letting someone go but are unsure of how to do so, Ms McCart said: “Lead with kindness in your approach. There are some easy and simple ways to communicate how you are feeling, instead of just cutting off communication.
“For example, a text message saying, 'I have really enjoyed getting to know you but I am not feeling a romantic connection. If we keep talking it would just be on a friendship level for me' — this lets the person know how you are feeling and gives them the agency to decide if they are interested in a friendship or not.”
However, she added that if one has already been on a few dates with the other person or are actively dating, an in-person conversation "is the best way to go".
ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY NAVENE ELANGOVAN
